Comfortable in the Gutter

Putting aside the small matter of election night, this has been the worst moment for the Conservative Party since the Liz Truss government visibly disintegrated in the Commons. By "this moment", we are talking about the wholesale adoption of rape gang panic by Kemi Badenoch and the motley crew on the opposition front bench. Yet this same leadership will be toasting the week. As far as they're concerned, the Tories are back on the map and hogging the limited media space available to opposition parties. For once, the conversation isn't all about the doings of Nigel Farage.

Let's look back at the disaster. As forecast in November, the Tories have tried making common cause with Trump, Elon Musk, and the oligarchical interest they front. With Musk's turn against Farage and calls for his replacement as Reform's leader, the Tories have served themselves up as the most deserving supplicants. Andrew Griffith, the shadow for business and trade, marked the initiative with the most excruciating flattery, in which he credits Musk with "saving humanity" for purchasing Twitter. This came just after Badenoch wholesale adopted the call for another public inquiry into grooming gangs, an issue that she had previously shown no interest in nor would likely have done if Musk had stayed off the ketamine and taken an early night.

The repugnance and opportunism of the Tories was on full display at Wednesday's Prime Minister's Questions. Because it was obvious she was going to press for an inquiry, Keir Starmer easily turned the tables on her. He condemned the Tories for appending their inquiry call to that afternoon's child protection bill, which they voted against when it fell. So much for caring about child abuse. He attacked the Tories for not doing anything to implement the recommendations of the Alexis Jay report on grooming and rape gangs in Rochdale, leaving it to gather dust on a Whitehall shelf for two years. And most damning of all, Starmer skewered Badenoch on the fact that as Minister for Women and Equalities and as a member of the Commons, she had not once spoken on the issue since entering the House.. If that wasn't bad enough, later that afternoon Badenoch's spox told the lobby hacks that she hadn't met abuse survivors nor thought she needed to. If it waddles like opportunism and quacks like opportunism.

The Tory adoption of the second inquiry cause is about the shoring up the party, nothing else. As we saw last weekend with Jenrick's rant about "alien cultures" and language that resonates with white nationalist 'great replacement' psychosexual paranoia, Badenoch's Tories have departed the norms of conventional conservatism for the politics of Viktor Orban, the National Rally, and AfD. The Tory hope is enough people will have noticed the row in Westminster and start asking questions about why Labour are keen to avoid an inquiry into the rape and abuse of young women by criminal gangs of Pakistani heritage men, nudge nudge, wink wink. But the Tory problem is they're can easily be outflanked by Reform. For instance, Musk's anointed one, Rupert Lowe, demanded an inquiry focusing just on this aspect of rape gangs. The Tories, so far, haven't been so crude with their racism. Reform has no need for such niceties. And, of course, Starmer is not the only one who can call Badenoch out for her opportunism - Farage is well placed too.

This doesn't leave the Tories in the most advantageous of positions. Starmer has no problem batting away Badenoch's underhanded bowls, and Farage is better placed to reap any electoral disaffection. The Tories might be glad they're making headlines again, but it's not doing anything to consolidate their shaky foundations and is doing nothing for winning back the former support they lost to Labour and the Liberal Democrats. All they've managed is confirming how comfortable they are in the gutter.

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