I'm being silly. But what follows is a genuine press release.
DPRK SUCCESSFULLY LAUNCHES SATELLITE!
COMMENTARY OF THE UK KOREAN FRIENDSHIP ASSOCIATION , JUCHE IDEA STUDY GROUP OF ENGLAND AND JISGE
The DPRK successfully launched it satellite the Kwangmysong 3 on the 12th of December at 09.49 in the morning (Korean time). This was great achievement particularly in view of the harsh US sanctions , blockade and pressure. Voice of Russia website stated "launching a satellite is, in any case, an outstanding achievement for any country....., although, of course, on a significantly smaller scale. While South Korea's KSLV rocket is constantly being postponed (the revised launch date, initially scheduled at the end of October, has still not been announced), North Korea has successfully fulfilled its own plan" Wired.com stated "North Korea has joined a small club of 11 other nations that have successfully launched their own payloads into orbit...... a major accomplishment."
Rather than being a drain of resources as some malicious imperialist commentators have tried to assert it will greatly contribute to the advance of the DPRK economy. It will enable the DPRK to scientifically monitor the weather thus opening up the possibility of preventing floods and droughts so as to increase agricultural production in the DPRK thereby improving the living standard of the Korean people.
The launch is a powerful demonstration of the power of the independent national economy of the DPRK as it was built using 100% DPRK resources, funds, materials , labour and expertise. South Korea which has not yet been able to launch a satellite relied heavily on US assistance and even from Russia. The US space programme was heavily reliant on the expertise of Hitler's rocket scientist Werne von Braun.
The launch smashed the sanctions policy of the US imperialist against the DPRK. The DPRK has been the subject of two rounds of sanctions by the UNSecurity Council aimed specifically at preventing the DPRK from launching rockets or conducting nuclear tests. However the fact that the rocket was launched proved that the sanctions had failed. The US imperialists and their "allies" or vassal states plus the UN plus some big powers all put together could not stop the DPRK from launching the rocket.
It is really good that the DPRK stuck to the straight path of independence and refused to listen to the US imperialists and others who tried to either force or deflect them from their goal of launching the rocket. It has now been proved beyond all doubt the rocket carried a working satellite and was entirely there is no need for anyone to condemn or 'regret ' the launch. The UNSC is just a puppet of the US . The fact a number of countries have criticised the launch says more about them than it does the DPRK , it shows that they are puppets and toadies of the US who when the US says jump simply ask "how high sir ?". The fuss made by the US , UNSC, EU and NATO over the launch is hypocritical as in April India launched its Agni V rocket in April 2012 but there was not the hullabaloo there was over the DPRK's launch (despite the fact that India has border disputes with a number of countries).
Days before the launch the south Korean puppets and US imperialists through their Western media mouthpieces had claimed that the rocket launch would be delayed or would not happen. Yonhap on the 11th of December (less than a daysbefore the launch claimed that "Satellite images show the Democratic People´s Republic of Korea (DPRK) seems to be disassembling a long- range rocket" (really ? in their dreams more like!)AP reported that "North Korea's planned launch of a long-range rocket could be delayed for 10 days or more after it reported technical delays". This report was proved utterly false the next day.
What is the secret of the DPRK's success in launching the rocket , how was it able to achieve both a great scientific break though which confounded the so-called experts of the imperialist world and at the same time defy the US imperialists and their followers and some timid big powers ?. The secret is a simple one it is the Juche idea of the great leader comrade Kim Il Sung which was developed and enhanced by the great leader comrade Kim Jong Il which is now carried forward by dear respected Marshal Kim Jong Un. The Juche idea gives the Korean people the power to believe in themselves and achieve miracles. Armed with the Juche idea and the Songun idea the DPRK will now conquer space.
In the socialist DPRK of Juche rockets go up! But in capitalist Britain only prices and poverty go up!
UK KFA
ASSSPUK
JISGE
The Association for the Study of Songun Politics, Juche Idea Study Group of England and the UK Korean Friendship issued the following statement concerning the news that the DPRK have launched successfully the Kwangmyongsong-3 satellite earlier today !
Our hearty congratulations to the DPRK on this great victory !
This is a great victory for the DPRK under the Songun revolutionary leadership of the great respected leader Marshal Kim Jong Un. It is victory for Juche science and technology and shows the superiority of the people-centred socialist system of the DPRK and the might of the independent national economy based on self-reliance. The rocket was made using 100% DPRK resources, materials and labour . It will greatly contribute to building up the economy and improving living standards.
The successful launch of the rocket confounded the predictions of so-called Western scientists and experts who claimed that the rocket would not be launched for another 10 days. Just how wrong they were !
The DPRK stuck to its path of independence defying the calls of the US imperialists and their followers as well as certain big powers not to launch the rocket . The DPRK does not need permission from anyone to launch rockets or pursue legitimate scientific research. We strongly reaffirm our position that it is the independent sovereign right of the DPRK to pursue space exploration. What is regrettable that instead of congratulating the DPRK on its great success the US imperialists and various international reactionary forces have slandered the rocket launch and cried out for sanctions. As for the UN this has no competence whatsoever to comment on the matter. We say that no one should interfere with the DPRK's sovereign right.
Victory to the DPRK led by dear respected Marshal Kim Jong Un! US imperialists hands off the DPRK.
Long live the DPRK!
Long live dear respected Marshal Kim Jong Un!
Long live the Juche Idea
Victory to Songun!
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