Anything but a Banger

Keir Starmer gave a conference speech typical of him. There were the nods to "service". There was the (unfounded) election triumphalism because we "changed our party". There were gestures to better things in the future, tempered by acknowledging the hard road ahead. Working people, "country first, party second", the boilerplate Starmerism was present virtually unchanged from last year's speech. In fact, the stand out moment - and what it will be remembered for - was his demand for the return of the sausages. An unexpected moment of levity in a scripted address that was anything but a banger.

What was striking about his speech was as if the last week didn't happen. This would no doubt concern Andrew Marr, who argued that Starmer should have apologised for the wardrobes of gifted clobber, the free tickets, and the takings ups of hospitality enjoyed by the leadership. There was no concession that anything was amiss, nor was there likely to be. Starmer has long nursed a penchant for the spoils of office. To his mind he believes he deserves it, and he's not going to say sorry for something he isn't sorry for. Never apologise, never explain is the first rule of right wing Labour politics. Jittery journos like Marr can carry on jittering because, they believe, the public don't care. A silly assumption, because they do.

A vague plan for Britain got a second airing, which via the framing of building a "decisive state" singled out Starmerism's two enemies. The first was the phantasmic Labour left, which was repeatedly dismissed and traduced by comparing his changed Labour to the "comfort zone" of irrelevance. The heckler who took him to task over his continued support for Israel was contemptuously dismissed with a "This guy has obviously got a pass from the 2019 conference." What japes to laugh off complicity in a genocide. Despite the evisceration of Labour's left by fair means and foul, Corbynism is a shade that weighs on their brain like a nightmare. If the "magic grandpa" has cast a spell, it's one over the Labour right's imaginary.

The other enemy was "populism". Corbyn was lumped in with Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage, who were denounced - albeit not by name - as peddlers of "easy solutions" and unrealistic promises. Contrasting his managerialist project with pie-in-the-sky politics, "we know where that leads" he said. He almost verged on the passionate in attacking the far right, though this was limited to "racist thugs" and praising the communities that came together to rebuild after the riots. He's still lagging behind the King on this one, and refusing to take on the Tories, the Farageists, and the right wing talking heads who've encouraged and excused it.

Starmer announced one new policy: guaranteed accommodation for former armed forces personnel, so none will end up sleeping on the streets. He also outlined the ambition of extending this to care leavers and victims of abuse. And if you're not one of Starmer's worthy homeless? Let's just say the silence was symptomatic. But there was a weird moment when Starmer waxed lyrical about everyone having the right to access the arts, music, and pursue their creative passions. He gave the impression of working himself up to an announcement about guaranteeing children's access to artistic subjects and venues, many of which are either on the brink or have gone under. But it never went anywhere, except for an anecdote about Starmer's first trip abroad with the Croydon Youth Orchestra.

In all, the court media loved it. The New Statesman said this speech showed "the real Keir Starmer". If it did, then we can conclude the Prime Minister has more waffle than Birds Eye, is tone deaf to public grumblings about freebie gate, and despite what was supposed to be an electoral triumph is haunted by his predecessor still. It wasn't a bad speech by Starmer's standards, but it wasn't the one he needed to give. If the customary post-conference polling bounce doesn't materialise, it's not difficult to see why.

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